Of Complex Grief, for an Autistic Individual: part II

DARK

The slippery thread of crystal thought
slip't and fell upon the ground -
what little sanity I sought
instead, of madness, that I found.

The time froze still and thread does break
the ionic imps, my nerves are raw
What once a mirror'd shiny lake
is now a dark and gaping maw

Drips with dark, dank fearsome shades
Taints the lake, and boils it dry
but still I wander there of late
Once full of dreams, but now of sighs.

The memory of shining waters though,
beneath the shadows bleak and dark
one wishes for a glint, a shimmer, through
in life so hopeless and so stark.


(unpublished, 16 January 2016)

Blunted and Broken

My life is like a broken pencil -
it is pointless, blunt, devoid of meaning.
What once was making strokes of ideas -
Is now void, empty, and broken.
What point is there to holding on-
To a piece of broken graphite crayon?

The broken pieces of lead in my hands-
reflects my broken body, soul and mind.
What point is there to holding on-
To a piece of broken graphite crayon?

The smear of lead upon my sketch -
Empty but for the carbon smudge.
waiting for Thanatos to fetch
from this meaningless painful trudge.

Again, I beg, Thanatos, be quick!
death is preferrable to endlessly sick!
What point is there to holding on -
To a piece of broken graphite crayon


(unpublished, 7th Feb 2016)

The Caged

I now know well, why caged birds sing;
Especially ones with broken wings.
It's not for joy, the notes was wringed
it is a tale of suffering.

For, once, in time, the bird flew free
With joy and innocence, tree to tree
With feathers, the colours, sun-lit glee
But now is nought but memories

The shining feathers oh so pale,
So limp and dank, what once was hale.
Desolate wheeze with each inhale
sung caged bird, of deathly tale

I now know too, why caged ones sing-
Each mournful sigh, a note was wringed:
For beautiful music comes, from pain it brings
The reason it's snared, and broke both wings.

(unpublished, 15th May 2017)




Another

another day another lie

another day I did not die

another day I could not cry

another teardrop within a sigh

another time for me to try

another time another try

another day I did defy







(published, 25th April 2019)